11.7.06

From Vanity to the Bonfire

So I was walking home yesterday and I passed a girl wearing a headscarf, which one would think is commendable but along with a headscarf she was also sporting a low cut top, skin-tight jeans and a thick layer of makeup. 


Bitchy Kia thought, “What’s the point of wearing a headscarf? This girl obviously has no modesty.”
Normal Kia responded with, “At least she’s wearing a scarf which is more than we can say for ourselves!”
“At least I’m not a hypocrite,” countered Bitchy Kia.
“Well, yeah, but still… said Normal Kia.
And it’s that “still” which is the reason I’m writing this. It’s that “still” I have to address sooner or later.

I don’t wear a headscarf and I never have. It’s always been “One day” or “When I’m ready” or “When I get married” but now that marriage is on the horizon, for some reason I still don’t feel like “Yes, this is a milestone and yes, this means I’m ready and willing.” So I have to stop and ask myself why I’m not ready. There’s no time like the present, right? Well, I *think* that the only honest answer I can come up with is pure vanity. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the “Mirror mirror, on the wall” type and we all know my views on makeup and jewellery but I still house enough vanity to not cover my hair. It’s not vanity in the sense of “I want to be looked at and deemed as attractive” but more a source of confidence. Am I an awful and despicable person? Am I a shameless heathen?
I understand the reasons why Muslim women are required to wear the headscarf and I can understand how it can be liberating on many levels but personally, I still don’t want to do it. I know we don’t get to pick and choose which parts of Islam we adhere to, it doesn’t work like that but show me a person without weakness and we’ll talk about that some more. I have at certain points in my youth thought, “Why must we cover ourselves from head to toe just because men can’t help but leer, I mean, look at us? Surely they’re the ones who should be punished. After all, men don’t have to cover up to this extent because women will leer at them!” As I have grown older however, I have come to understand the importance of modesty and am now a little less, er, subversive(?) but once again, I still don’t want to wear a headscarf. When will I get my epiphany? Will marriage be the kick up the a** that I need? Will I find sudden maturity and understanding and depth of character? When will I be ready?
I don’t know the answers but when I find them, I’ll be sure to let you know.

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